


A bed made of poppies

by Anzuss



Category: Mumintroll | Moomins Series - Tove Jansson, 楽しいムーミン一家 | Moomin (Anime 1990)
Genre: Angst, Coma, Dreamsharing, F/F, F/M, M/M, Pining, References to Depression, Sad, Tragic Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-23
Updated: 2021-02-26
Packaged: 2021-03-15 01:41:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 9,416
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28930431
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Anzuss/pseuds/Anzuss
Summary: The witch had made some trickery on his harmonica that managed to wake up three of the trolls.But he kept playing, one, two, twelve times, and yet the youngest moomin stayed still, paying no mind to the song composed specifically for him.Retelling of Tanoshii Moomin Ikka's episode "The Spell": What if Moomintroll didn't wake up?
Relationships: Mumintrollet | Moomintroll & Snusmumriken | Snufkin, Mumintrollet | Moomintroll/Snusmumriken | Snufkin
Comments: 27
Kudos: 39





	1. Chapter 1

Spring had come to the valley. The sun was shining, melting the snow so the flowers could embrace its warmth, the birds cheerfully tweeted a song a harmonica had brought from the south and everyone celebrated with joy a new beginning. 

Everyone except those in Moominhouse. Inside the crowded upper room an old witch was fuming, a family waited expectantly and a white figure slept unbothered by neither the beginning of Spring, the swearing or the nervous crowd. 

When Snufkin was welcomed by an anxious pair and a dormant house, he knew something was off. They told him that the Moomins and Snorkmaiden couldn't wake up, and as soon as he saw them an idea struck his mind: a spell. And he was right, because when they went to confront the witch she made some trickery on his harmonica that managed to wake up three of the trolls. 

But he kept playing, one, two, twelve times, and yet the youngest moomin stayed still, paying no mind to the song composed specifically for him. 

He felt a shiver crawl down his spine the moment he noticed that Little My had called for the witch, because only then he realized how long he had been playing and how dry his throat felt. 

The witch had stated that her magic only worked if no one was peeking, but, after another hour of patiently waiting in the dining room, the little mymble disregarded the silly statement and went upstairs, the rest following her steady steps. With the weight of several eyes over her every movement, the witch readjusted her magic wand for the hundredth time and hoarsely recited the spell once more. 

-"Why isn't it working?"- Little My said harshly, impatiently tapping the floor with her boot. 

The witch pressed her brow and muttered a swear. As expected, her new attempt had no result -"He is rejecting my magic. It looks like he refuses to wake up".

-"So what? It's not like your magic becomes useless for something like that".

As if stating something obvious the witch puffed- "If he doesn't want to wake up my spells are ineffective".

-"But he always wakes up the first day of spring without fail, he must know he has been sleeping for too long now. " - Snufkin said with apparent confidence. He was trying his best to maintain his composure, but, just as Little My, he was doubtful of the witch's words. 

-"I'm afraid it's not a joke. When someone is under this spell they are unaware of the pacing of time; the last moment they were awake is the one that keeps on loop during their slumber".

Snufkin frowned at the answer-"When did you cast the spell?" 

-"Midwinter, I'm certain of it".

-"Then the last moment he was awake was before hibernation. " -He stated the well-known fact, in an attempt to understand how the information could be helpful to understand Moomin's refusal to wake up. 

Everyone went quiet, surely thinking the same. 

A few seconds passed before a startled Snorkmaiden broke the silence.

-"Actually, no. He woke me up a few weeks after we started hibernating. He talks a lot during sleep when he has nightmares" - she softly chuckled. Her smile suddenly faded- "He joked about how the first time he had nightmares during hibernation he realized they weren't half as bad as waking up and seeing it was still winter, and that lately the only thing he wished for was to stay asleep until it was spring".

-"That doesn't make any sense! Why would he wish for something like that? He has told us about all the exciting adventures he had when he woke up from hibernation before"- questioned Sniff, anxiously grasping his tail. 

-"He did wake up before, but the dunderhead never enjoyed it as much as he made it sound. I had to endure countless days of his wailing when I hibernated here, it's no surprise to me if he refuses to wake up because he believes it's still winter"- Little My spoke with a bitter tone, her gaze piercing Snufkin. 

Snufkin could only keep his eyes on the mattress. He knew the motif of Moomintroll's growing dislike for winter, he had confessed it to him during a late night chat, but he was certain that that couldn't have been enough reason to make the spell irreversible- "There has to be another solution. We haven't tried the rest of your spells".

-"If he doesn't want to wake up there's nothing I can do, my magic isn't powerful enough to battle freewill".

-"It's not freewill if there's no way out! He doesn't know you bewitched him! " - Snufkin raised his voice unlike himself. All traces of his previous calm gone. 

Irritation painted the witch's face; no one had ever dared to raise their voice to her and she truly disliked it- "I only wished to help Alicia, she can't afford to have any distractions if she wants to be a real witch".

The mentioned girl stood from the corner with fury in her eyes- "How can you be so vicious, grandmother? I don't intend to become a witch if it means becoming as selfish as you!" - heavy tears were clinging from her eyes as she stared fiercely at her motionless grandmother.

After receiving no response she turned her gaze to the sleeping troll- "Moomin, I am so sorry. You don't deserve to be punished for my recklessness. I promise I will find a way to remove the spell".

-"But we have tried everything! Water, tickles, shouting, Little My even slapped him. Only magic has worked so far and I'm running out of ideas" - Sniff cried with worry- "what if he doesn't wake up?" 

-"He will wake up!" - Snufkin shouted to the small beast, making him flinch. 

Moominmamma pressed his shoulder, startling him and making him lower his eyes with embarrassment -"Now kids, I know you all are worried about Moomin, but we can't afford to lose our heads. Let's sit down and discuss a solution instead".

Alicia took mamma's paws, maintaining her gaze with determination- "My grandmother's magic might not be powerful enough, but someone else's could be. I will search for them and we will come back to break the spell. I promise I will fix this".

The older moomins looked at each other, pondering if it was a good idea to put their son's fate in a kid's promise. 

Moominpappa gave her a look of pity and sweetened his voice- "Oh Alicia, we appreciate your eagerness to find a solution, but the world is so very big and there's so little time to find someone who has that kind of power and feels like sharing it. I know your sort aren't very fond of doing favors".

-"Please let me try Moominpappa, I can't just stand here doing nothing, this was all my fault to begin with. Spells can only be broken by magic, I don't believe there's other solution but to search for help".

It hurted both parents to put all their fate in someone, it made them feel incapable, but Alicia was right. None in the valley apart from her and her grandmother knew about magic. 

Moominmamma gave a quick gaze at pappa and sighed -"Okay. But you need to keep in contact with us and return as soon as possible".

-"I promise Moominmamma. Please trust me, I will find a solution".

-"I refuse, Alicia, you know I am to old for big trips and you have never traveled alone, you will only get lost and starve in the forest"- the witch exclaimed pulling Alicia by her hand. 

Snorkmaiden frowned and took her other hand -"She won't, I will tag along. My brother and I were travelers before settling on Moominvalley, I won't let anything happen to her".

-"I'll go too"- Little My eagerly spoke- "If those magicians refuse to come I will show them what a Little My's bite can do".

-"All right, but promise me you will be careful, we will be waiting for you" - Mamma said with a worried tone- "even if you don't find anyone please return as soon as possible".

Moomin was her only son, and the thought of losing him was unbearable, but she loved the girls as much, and if something were to happen to them she knew she couldn't forgive herself. 

Next day at first hour the small expedition left with enough food for three weeks and a hug from the Moomins. Sniff shyly said goodbye and left on his own to look for the officer, reasoning that they should have alternatives in case the girls weren't successful, and maybe to feel a little less self conscious of being too coward to join them. Snufkin hadn't left Moomintroll's room, eyes fixed on the troll's chest moving up and down with every soft breath. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all, thank you for reading my work, I hope I deliver what you expect and you enjoy it till the end. From now on things will start going downhill, please read the tags! 
> 
> I appreciate comments a lot, if you have some time it would make me so happy to see yours (even if it's just some emojis, they seriously make me really happy) 
> 
> I'm terribly sorry for any gramatical/syntax mistakes, I'm trying my best but english still frightens me ;^;


	2. Chapter 2

  
Days went terribly slow in Moominhouse. Without all the turmoil the kids made Moominmamma found herself staring more frequently to the big grandfather clock. 

Sniff always came by for breakfast and dinner, but seeing that there wasn't much to do, he would usually leave without notice. At first he tried to make chit chat with the Moomins, but they were too distracted to pay attention to his narration about his latest scheme or how beautiful was the weather. He didn't even try with Snufkin, Sniff was certain the traveler never liked him very much, and now without Moomintroll's mediation an uncomfortable conversation was the most possible outcome. 

_I do wish there was something I could do. But I'm not brave or smart enough, all my ideas have been useless...-_ Sniff thought, walking through the path that led to Moominhouse. He was carrying a basket filled to the brim- _Well, at least I can help Mamma make dinner. She might even get happy when I show her how many strawberries I picked!_

  
  


It had been two weeks since the girls left. The Moomins had been patiently waiting for the postman each morning, so, as soon as they saw him crossing the bridge, both parents rushed to him. They eagerly opened the letter, but their smile promptly faded as they read what it said:

\--- 

_"Dear Moominmamma and pappa:_

_We have visited three villages close to the valley so far, unfortunately none of them had anyone who practiced witchcraft. Our next stop is Brinemire, a townsman told us an old witch lives there. It's a four days trip so don't expect news until then._

_Please stay well._

_Sincerely: Alicia, Little My and Snorkmaiden "_

_\---_

The words left a bitter taste in their mouths. 

Pappa sank into the couch, massaging his temples -"I guess it will take them longer than we expected".

-"We should not hurry them, dear. It's a long walk and they are still kids after all" - Mamma spoke with a soft voice, the kind of voice that made everyone feel like everything would be alright, and for a moment it looked like it worked on Pappa. 

But he knew his wife better than himself. He could see what was behind the reassuring voice: she was worried sick, and she was ready to go to the ends of the earth to find the one that could help her son, but she couldn't leave, because that would mean leaving her son alone, and what an awful mother would she be if her son woke up with no one at his side. 

-"Do you fancy some coffee? I left the kettle in the stove".

He knew her so well that he knew she meant the conversation was over, so he smiled and replied accordingly -"That would be lovely, darling".

-"Good morning!" - Sniff's cheerful greeting was heard in the front door- "I brought something for you, Mamma".

Moominmamma put on her brightest smile and walked to where the voice was coming from -"Good morning dear. Those are some wonderful strawberries, where did you pick them from?" 

  
  


Snufkin could feel his feet numbing from sitting for so long in the same uncomfortable chair. He couldn't gather enough energy to set his camp or leave the house, it was as if roots had grown from the floor, twining on his legs to keep him from leaving. He didn't want to leave either, he knew Moomin would feel sad if he were to wake up and no one was in the room. 

His body couldn't move, but his mind never stopped wandering: he pictured the sun coming through the foliage, the smell of the flowers waking up, the snow melting and leaving puddles where he could see his own reflection. Then, without realizing, his thoughts flowed to soft embraces and cuddling under the shade of the trees, to a cheerful voice asking him about his winter adventures and gasping when he described the weird creatures and dangers he encountered. 

Then it flowed to past memories: He remembered the first Spring he spent in Moominvalley, and how all his friends were much smaller but not less affectionate. Since the very beginning they welcomed him with open arms, although Snufkin required a longer time to warm up to them. 

Everyone in the valley showed interest in getting to know him, but Moomin was the most persistent of them all: he visited his tent every single day trying to start a conversation. At first it was amusing, many small creatures had expressed their admiration to him before, but it didn't take long for him to get annoyed at his insistence. 

One day, when Moomin was talking about something he couldn't recall, he snapped: "You should learn the value of silence, it makes you no good to talk as much as you do. I like my silence very much, mind". Poor little Moomin had looked so full of guilt he left in a hurry and stopped visiting for a few days, only coming back to say good morning and good night. 

What a fool he had been, Moomintroll didn't need to learn such a thing. It was him who should have learned to listen. 

_And now I might never hear his voice again._

Snufkin went pale. He refused to let that line of thought get him. It had only been three weeks, there was plenty of time for him to wake up. 

Just when he was about to search for something to distract himself Moominmamma entered the room. 

-"Good evening Snufkin, I made you some tea".

 _Evening_? - He looked through the window, wondering how long it had been since he last took a meal or a nap - "Thank you Moominmamma".

Snufkin took the cup of tea and gave it a look. It was a creamy tea with no smell he could register. How odd, he was sure she knew he didn't like milk in his tea, but out of respect he gave it a sip. 

It tasted bitter. Now, that was even more out of character, she never let tea become bitter. 

_She must be really distracted-_ he thought while sipping. He didn't really like the drink, but Moominmamma's patient look was enough motivation to make him finish the whole cup. 

Moominmamma smiled, took the empty cup, wished him a pleasant night and left the room. 

~~

His whole body felt feathery, almost nonexistent, and every time he tried to see his fingers his sight blurred. He was swimming through pitch black with no direction, but the dark soon turned into a familiar meadow with a bridge. He softly landed in the grass, and something was already pulling his fishing line. He had a catch! he was going to have a delicious fish stew dinner.

_Wait, I don't remember carrying a fishing rod._

He looked around. Certainly there were so many things wrong. For a starter, he was wearing a blue cloak; not like he disliked the color, but he could swear he had no such clothes. Moominhouse was much taller than he remembered, and when he looked at the sky he found that there was no sun even though it was a bright day. 

_This must be a dream._

-"Snufkiiiin!!!" - A jolly voice called his name from far. He turned around to see a white figure approaching him.

-"... Moomin" 

\- "I'm so glad to see you again, what took you so long?" 

-"You can hear me?" 

-"Of course I can, silly! Come on, let's unpack your things and have an adventure, Little My found a really cool cave. She said there grow trees with apples that glow in the dark".

Snufkin felt a tightness in his throat -"I thought you were sleeping".

-"Well yes! I'm still hibernating. You are the Snufkin of my dreams, the real Snufkin is traveling down south. "

-"What? No no no, I am the real Snufkin".

Moomin looked at him with amusement and cackled loudly -"That was a good joke".

Snufkin frowned, finding what he said not one bit funny -"I'm serious. If you don't believe me ask me something only the real Snufkin would know".

The troll gave him a cunning smile -"Well, if we are in my mind, doesn't it make more sense to ask something the real Snufkin wouldn't know?" 

-"Either way. Try me".

-"Okay" - Moomin put a thoughtful pose- "Who was the last person I thought about before sleeping?" 

_This must be a trick question. The last time he was awake he talked to Snorkmaiden, it must be her._

_-_ "It was me".

-"Of course you know. Next time don't try to fool me, dream Snufkin, we could have been in the cave by now".

-"What?! No, it can't be. I was supposed to be wrong!" 

-"You can't answer wrong if you are me, dummy. Come on! Let's hurry".

~~

Snufkin snapped his eyes open. His gaze traveled to the troll, still sleeping. 

_That was a strange dream._

He felt astray, as if a part of his brain was still asleep. He had heard about lucid dreams, but never had one before. 

He looked through the window, it was midday

_How long did I sleep?_

Dragging his legs he went down the stairs. He felt gruffy and his stomach was protesting the lack of food.

Moominmamma was washing the dishes and somehow noticed him entering the room-"Good morning Snufkin, did you sleep well?"

-"Moominmamma, if you don't mind me asking, was there something special in my tea?" 

-"Oh yes. Just a thing from the Granny's book to cure insomnia" - she cleaned her hands in her apron and turned to see him -"I'm sorry for not telling you beforehand, but I knew you would have refused to take it. We were worried about your health, we couldn't let you stay awake for so long".

-"I... thank you".

-"No need dear" -she dismissed while taking a tray out of the oven -"Do you mind giving me a paw with these biscuits?" 

-"Actually, is it okay if I go fishing?" 

-"Of course! It would be lovely to have some fresh fish for a fish stew. I believe your backpack is in the dining room".

Snufkin turned around looking for his fishing rod. When his eyes caught a sight of it, resting along his backpack, he felt the lump in his throat loosen a little. 

_Maybe staying inside for so long affected me._


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cw: anxiety  
> Nothing too bad, just Snufkin having an awful time during a party.

Weeks passed bringing Summer with them, the prolonged hibernation showing its consequences on Moomintroll. He lost weight, his once round belly had reduced half its size, and his always shiny white fur turned opaque. Each day it became harder to believe that the once joyful and energetic Moomin was now the body laying in the mattress, silent and motionless. 

Moominmamma could only stare at this, unable to do something or stop her maternal instinct ringing in her ears "he's hungry, he needs you, you should feed him". 

_I must do what is best for him, if the doctor says this little bag is enough then I better trust them-_ She thought while changing the bag of liquid hanging from a rack. The doctor had explained how it worked, but she could barely remember as she was too busy thinking if it was possible to feed him pancakes through the small hose they had put on Moomintroll's nose. _\- I just hope he wakes up soon, it must be terribly boring to eat something so bland._

  
  
  


Snufkin woke up to quick knocks on the door. 

He was in a bad mood. He had been since that weird lucid dream, all his further naps being dreamless and painfully short. Grouching he opened the door to see a hyper Sniff waiting on the other side. Before he could ask what was the matter he entered the room and stood next to Moomin's bed. 

-"Hullo Moomintroll. I got a surprise gift for you, I'm sure you will love it" - he chuckled, taking something hidden behind his back- "It's bananas!"

Sniff stood, proudly waving the fruits- "And I know you must be wondering how I found them, because you know they only grow in warmer places. I had to go on an adventure to find them, full of adversity and dangers all on my own, because I'm strong and brave, but I won't tell you more unless you thank me".

He spoke with a smug face, not mentioning that it was actually a more boring story: a merchant had come to the valley selling tropical fruits and he spent all day looking on the beach for something valuable enough to buy them. And he definitely didn't mention that, when the merchant knew he was desperate to buy the bananas and wouldn't accept any other fruits, he raised their price, forcing Sniff to pay with his treasured golden coin. 

But he still felt prideful. As much as he loved his golden coin, he was sure giving it away would be a rightful price if his idea worked. 

-"You better wake up and eat them before they spoil! "- At the lack of response his smile dropped. He brought his hands wavering the bananas down their sides. 

-"Moomin? Are you listening to me?" 

Silence

-"I should have known this wasn't going to work" - dropping the fruits to the floor he covered his face with his paws -"I give up, I ran out of ideas. If only Snorkmaiden was here we could try the true love's kiss method, but I'm sure that wouldn't work either". 

Still hiding his face he sprinted out of the house. Only when Moominhouse was out of sight he let himself cry. 

_I should have known, he can't even listen to us._

_But why am I the only one looking for other ways to wake him up? Snufkin never does anything but stay inside and fish_ \- he thought, frustrated - _Sometimes I even wonder if they are worried at all!_

  
  
  


In the room, a now fully awake Snufkin was thinking. 

Thinking so hard it made him feel dizzy, the words "true love's kiss" resonating inside his head. 

_What if…_

_No, he said it wouldn't work._

_But what if it does?_

_No no, Moomintroll has a girlfriend, and there's no way I could do it anyway._

_But, they never said true love had to be mutual_ -He shyly touched Moomintroll's snout- _And as a matter of fact, I do love you. -_ The silent words made him blush, suddenly aware of how inappropriate it was to think that way about his best friend. 

Unconsciously he looked around and, as expected, there was no one else in the room. 

_It doesn't hurt to try. Sorry in advance Moomin, it's for the best._

And so, he tilted his face in a weird angle so their lips could met. It was brief, barely a touch, but it left Snufkin's face burning; he definitely never thought his first kiss would be like this.

He waited, swinging between hoping for the best (he wakes up) and the worst (he gets mad). 

But none of those happened. The troll stayed as still as before, and Snufkin felt something break inside his chest. 

  
  
  


The older Moomins opened another letter of the girls, just like the others they had received so far, short and straightforward: we haven't found anyone, we'll keep looking, keep safe. 

Moominpappa was growing tired of seeing those words, the former expectancy had turned into frustration. 

Moominmamma, on the other side, refused to give up hope. Every time she opened a letter she told herself: " _This time, this will be the one. I can sense it",_ but the notice of yet another unfruitful trip always welcomed her instead. 

Moominpappa took her paws and gave them a soft nuzzle. He wanted to comfort her, to tell her that she didn't need to worry, that Moomintroll would wake up soon with the biggest appetite and that they would celebrate like never before. But he was never good at comforting people, so, instead, he gave her a Moomin kiss, as if putting their snouts together would somehow make his thoughts get to her. 

-"This year's Midsummer will be terribly lonely without the kids. Maybe we should ask Mrs. Fillyjonk to host it instead".

Moominpappa looked up, an idea striking him-"That's it!" 

-"What is it, honey?"

-"There will be a Midsummer party. We will hold the loudest party ever! Everyone will be invited, all small and big creatures in the area. We will have fireworks, bells and boisterous music. Even the Hobgoblin will hear it all the way to the moon! There's no way for Moomintroll to resist such a celebration. "

Moominmamma gave him a strange look -"I'm not sure dear, I don't believe we are in the best position to host a party…" 

-"Listen Moominmamma. Maybe we should change our perspective: instead of searching for a solution let's make the solution come to us" -he took her paws giving her an intense look- "This could be our only chance to gather as much people as possible, and, in all the crowd that will come, there must be at least one who will know about magic". 

Mamma remained silent. Her inner voice told her it was a terrible idea, that no one in their right sense would feel like celebrating, but seeing her husband shining with hope after several weeks of gloominess made her ache. 

-"Fine, dear" 

Moominpappa smiled - "I'll start making the invitations. We have no time to lose, Midsummer is just two weeks away!" 

  
  
  


\------

Moominpappa asked everyone he encountered for help to deliver the invitations to whoever they met, and, just in a few days, people from the valley and far beyond knew about the "Grand Middsummer celebration in honor of the Moomin family". 

It was barely dusk and Moominhouse was already buzzing with a crowd of both known and unknown creatures. 

Moominmamma was running from side to side, bringing food, decorating and welcoming people. 

_If only the kids were here this would be much easier-_ she thought, sighing. 

A creature much like a Hemulen approached her -"I heard about what happened to your son. My sincerest condolences." 

Moominmamma froze at the words. -"Our son is very much alive. He is just sleeping".

-"Excuse me, I didn't mean to insult you"

 _Well, maybe next time don't intrude in others life-_ she bitterly though, but before she could reply someone touched her shoulder. 

-"Good evening, Moominmamma" -Too Ticky gave her a closed lips smile- "Ninny asked if there was still some blueberry juice left. Do ye mind showing me where it's stored?"

She blinked a few times processing what the blonde had said -"Oh, good evening Too Ticky. Yes, there's still some in the pantry, let me show you the way. Excuse me sir". 

They didn't speak a word until they were in the kitchen. 

-"How are ye all doing, Moominmamma?" 

-"We are fine, thank you for coming to the party, Too Ticky. It's nice to see familiar faces". 

-"I wouldn't miss it for the world, this must be the biggest party the valley has ever hosted. But I must say, the Moomins have always been like a family to me, I can't help but feel worried about Moomintroll's situation". 

-"Oh but he is fine! nothing to worry about! He just decided to take a longer hibernation because he felt tired, you know how tiring it is to grow up" - She smiled, but her eyes were dull. 

Too Ticky felt a knot in her throat -"I see. Then we must be ready to welcome him when he wakes up". 

-"Exactly. This celebration might be what he needs".

  
  
  
  


_There are too many people._

Snufkin navigated through the crowds, conversations were so loud that he had to cover his ears at the people screaming at each other. 

He could feel his heart pouncing and his breath agitating. 

At some point he was no longer paying attention to his surroundings. He was acting on automatic, walking and dodging people dancing and trays full of snacks, unconsciously looking for a place where he could sit far from the crowd. But it was as if the whole valley and far beyond was there, every inch of the garden was packed with strangers, laughing out loud at jokes he never found funny and drinking without measure. 

_Everything feels so strange, my ears hurt, there's so much noise. I want to leave. I need to leave._

_Why am I even here? I know Moomin would have wished for me to attend, he always wanted me to. But he is asleep, there's no need for me to be here._

_But I can't leave. He is still here._

His best shot was staying inside the house. There were considerably less people, and the noise quieted down a bit if he closed the doors and windows. He climbed the stairs with few spirits. He really wished he could just sleep through all the party. 

Over the noisy music he heard a loud chatting coming from Moomintroll's room. 

_Moomin._

He opened the door with a slam and found a crowd of strangers roaming the troll, talking idly and joking. 

… yes, that's what I heard" "So the rumors were right" "Do you think he is dead?" "What is that coming out of his nose?"... 

Blood drained from his face. 

_They are touching Moomin._

Anger boiled up inside him and before he could give a better thought to what was happening he was kicking the crowd out of the room. 

-"GET OUT! HE IS NOT A DISPLAY". 

The crowd backed out and he pushed them out, slamming the door shut to lock it, blocking little of the exterior noise. 

-"Why didn't you tell them anything?- he said, still gripping the door handle. -"They were touching you, as if you were some sort of oddity". 

Silence

-"Moomin" - he turned around, facing the bed-"WAKE UP! WAKE UP MOOMIN!"- But the noise outside was louder than his desperate screams. 

He came closer to the bed, putting his lips close enough to whisper to the troll's ears-"Moomin, wake up. I miss you. I miss you terribly". 

Silence

-"Moomin. Are you even there?" 


	4. Chapter 4

\- “Goodness, Snufkin, you look awful. Have you been sleeping well?”

The comment took him by surprise, having just entered the kitchen for a drink. Moominmamma stood with a worried look, putting aside the plate she was drying.

He directed his gaze to a shiny pan, the reflection showing a pale version of himself, with deep eyebags and untidy hair, blushing with embarrassment. He hadn't seen himself in such a long time that, if it weren't for his green cloak, he wouldn't have recognized himself.

-”Not exactly. I´ve had trouble sleeping since weeks before Midsummer”.

The mention of Midsummer made her flinch. 

It was an understatement to say that the celebration had been a disaster. At first, everything was going according to plan, the guests were delighted when Moominpappa asked them to make as much noise as possible: burning fireworks, musicians performing simultaneously, hitting pans, shouting and singing. Everyone was having fun seeing who had the most creative ways to be the loudest.

But only a few hours passed before the effects of the booze turned the cheerful ambience into insanity: everyone started fighting, pushing others and throwing things. When Moominmamma saw Pappa dead drunk, zestfully talking to a group of strangers just to begin fist fighting one after a dumb remark of him being too old to sail alone, she knew it had truly been a terrible idea to host the event.

Next thing she remembered was Mymble comforting her after finding her crying in the cellar with an empty bottle of vodka, hugging tightly the first bark boat of summer no one would sail that year.

She tried to push away the memories, but her face showed her distress. -”I´m sorry for not taking notice, dear. I have been a little distracted of late”.

Snufkin lowered his gaze awkwardly -”Forgive me for not telling you before, Moominmamma. I didn't want to make you worry”. 

After locking himself in Moomintroll´s room during Midsummer celebration, he had refused to go outside or talk to anyone, so he knew little about what had happened. All he knew and cared about was that it had been useless, because Moomin was still sound asleep, but when he saw the distress in Moominmamma´s face, he felt guilty for not caring to ask about what had happened after he left.

-”I know what will help you. Please sit down, it will take me a little”- She said, filling the kettle with water to put it on the stove.

He curiously watched her take some dried purple flowers and a small dropper from the pantry, adding them to the boiling water.

-”Here"- she said, giving him a cup of the infusion. It was just like the tea she had given him some months ago: a milky substance with a weird smell.

Knowing it was going to have a bitter taste, he drank it in one gulp. He grimaced, the taste was truly awful. -”Thank you”.

-"There's a bathtub on the second floor if you wish to use it, I don't want you to risk catching a cold from bathing in the river". 

Snufkin nodded and climbed the stairs to rest on his spot, a rug next to Moomintroll´s bed. He had tried to sleep on the mattress, but his body was far too accustomed to the firm floor, and he no longer desired to sleep outside as the weather had gotten too cold for that. Curling up he closed his eyes and concentrated on his breath. 

In. Out. In. Out. 

A tiny voice inside his head was trying to keep him awake, alert of the cracking of the wood and the strong wind slamming the windows, but the growing heaviness of his eyelids anchored him to the floor. 

_I must get a bath when I wake up._

~~~

He opened his eyes, meeting a green roof. His pupils constricted with fear and disorientation, but that only lasted a moment as he recognized the inside of his tent, his bag in one corner along with his harmonica and fishing rod. 

_My shoulders don't feel stiff and my back no longer hurts, I must be dreaming._

Sighing with relief, he got out of the tent. He had only taken a few steps when he saw his friend sitting on the bridge, concentrated in an arrangement of flowers at his side.

-”Moomintroll!”- He couldn't hold the excitement of his tone, it had been so long since he last saw him doing something that wasn't lying down motionless. 

-”Hello Snufkin!”- the troll cheerfully replied, lifting up his round face. 

The eye contact made his heart pound with happiness, and, not giving a second thought, he hugged him. Moomintroll´s body felt warm, his fur as soft as he remembered, with tiny leaves and twigs stuck on it. He smelled like cookie dough and grass -”I missed you. What have you been doing this long?”

The troll giggled, confused. He was hugging him back, but his arms were loose-”What do you mean? we just came back from the flower fields. I thought you wanted some time alone, so I decided to make a bouquet for your cloak. Do you think I should use one too? I´m not really accustomed to dress up, but I might try it this Midsummer”.

Snufkin frowned, not entirely understanding what Moomin said. -”What are you talking about? It's fall, Midsummer celebration was months ago”- he spoke, not breaking the embrace.

\- “Golly! You sure hit your head hard this time”- Moomintroll joked, pulling away. Snufkin looked around and saw that the meadows were green with plenty of flowers, unlike any autumn scenario- ”Do you want me to bring you a glass of water?”- the troll asked with sincere concern. 

-”No!”- Snufkin shrieked, tightening their embrace.

Moomintroll yelped with surprise -”Snuf, you are crushing me”. 

-”Sorry”- he apologized, loosening his arms- “It's just that I don't want you to go just yet”.

-”Are you trying to pull my leg again, dream Snufkin? I told you before, it's not nice to mock me”- Moomintroll muttered, uncomfortable. His face was serious, but his tone and eyes showed annoyance. 

Snufkin looked into his eyes, perplexed-”Why do you think I am mocking you?

-”That's exactly what I say when he leaves”- Moomintroll pulled away again, rubbing his face with frustration -“I´m not even sure why I should explain to you, you are inside my brain anyway. All of this is foolish, making up a Snufkin to feel less alone was a stupid idea”.

-”But Moomin, it's me, Snufkin”.

\- “Stop saying that! You are not him. You are not real”.

~~~

Snufkin extended his arms trying to hug him again, but his eyes suddenly opened. He was back in the room, grasping his pillow. The sudden change of scenario irritated him, so he raised up and stood next to Moomintroll´s bed.

The troll on the bed felt unfamiliar. It smelled like sanitizer and clean clothes, his fur unnaturally tidy from the constant brushing; and the more he stared at him, the more he felt something was wrong. It was unsettling, like looking at a portrait of someone he used to know but couldn´t remember. 

He touched his paw, then his face and his snout. All of him was cold.

He lowered his ear to his chest. His heartbeat was extremely slow.

Stepping back he looked at the body, his eyes searching for something, anything that proved that whoever was laying on the bed was his best friend. 

_This isn't Moomintroll. This can't be Moomintroll._

For the first time since spring, he felt something else than a constant lethargy. He was afraid.

  
  
  
  
  
  


\----------

Little My was trying to ignore her hurting feet, but the silent trek was making it harder; someone as small as her wasn't made for walking, her steps being half the size of the standard. A cold wind traveled down her spine, making her shiver -”You both know we can't stay much longer outside Moominvalley. It's going to be winter soon”.

-”We can´t stop yet, there is still time”- Alicia replied, keeping her pace.

-”Don't be stupid Alicia. We are going to freeze out here if we don't return now”.

-”But we have traveled so far, we still have some weeks until the first snow”- Alicia spoke with determination. She made a promise, she couldn't go back until she found a solution. 

Little My stood in front of her, boiling with rage -”A few weeks more won't make a difference, we have been traveling for over 6 months and we haven't found anyone!”

-”She's right, winter is coming soon, if we don´t go back now we won't have enough food to return. We will be stuck here until Spring comes back”. -Snorkmaiden stated, stopping walking.

\- “Why are you agreeing with her? Don´t you want Moomin to wake up?”- Alicia said, impulsively. Only after seeing Snorkmaiden´s hurt expression, she regretted speaking.

\- “Of course I want him to”- Snorkmaiden bit her lip to contain her tears, but her voice was shaky. -”All of us want him to wake up, but you have no idea how hard it is to travel in the winter. We can´t help anyone if we die”. 

-”I´m sorry, I didn't mean that…”

-”Let's set up camp here, I remember there is a cave near”.

-”Snorkmaiden...”

-”Tomorrow, we will discuss it tomorrow”.

_What am I supposed to tell the Moomins when we return?_

Alicia stood behind for the rest of the walk. All of a sudden, carrying her bag felt like carrying a pile of stones.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you are liking this, listen to this song ❤️ Broken sleep by Agnes Obel https://open.spotify.com/track/6ilOjlJMBMSAWolY3xHZ1i?si=oBG_SvaISfySC4NxcqXvUg


	5. Chapter 5

_ Nothing again _

Snufkin woke up for what felt like the thousandth time. Seven months had passed since the first day of Spring, and a month since his lucid dream. A month of sleeping the whole day long, but ironically he felt even more tired than during the months when he barely slept, as if that dream had shut down the little energy he had left. 

Memories of the vivacious Moominhouse felt so distant he had even begun to wonder if they happened at all. No laugher, no music, no visitors since they seemed to avoid the gloom that now set over Moominhouse; everything and everyone had changed, and he was just a spectator, unable to stop the passing of time. The chilling weather only made the atmosphere feel much more lonely and silent, as if he was seeing everything through a dirty window.

He felt like the shell of what he was before: he couldn't bring himself to play his harmonica, not since the events of spring; whenever he tried to the reminder that the witch had put her sorcery on his instrument made him furious. He no longer went for walks, what for? he had his much-needed silence and alone time even if he stayed inside the house. He was submerged in a constant fatigue, his head always foggy and his muscles sore. He couldn't bring himself to do much more than sleep, and, even if he tried to, his movements were slow and clumsy. The fish escaped through his hands, and if he got to catch one, he could only stare at them, frenetically moving inside the bucket.

The thought of such creatures, with insignificant lives, fighting so hard to stay alive while he couldn't even get out of his bed only made him feel worse. So, instead, he slept to give his mind a rest, to remember the sensation of hugging Moomintroll, his laugh, and the spark in his eyes. Even if he no longer had trouble sleeping, he still couldn't dream. When he closed his eyes only a deep, dark void welcomed him, with sometimes blurred images of white paws caressing him and echoing voices calling his name. 

Even if he had just woken up, his body begged him to close his eyes again, and he was just about to do so when he heard gentle knocks on the door. He opened the door a crack and saw Snorkmaiden, standing with a bouquet of yellow chrysanthemums. She looked tired, her fringe had grown longer, her eyes were swollen and her fur stained with grass and dirt. 

-"Hello Snufkin, can I come in?" 

He looked at the bouquet and nodded, opening the door. She stepped in and gave him a small smile. An awkward silence passed before Snufkin understood that she wished for privacy, so he exited.

Snorkmaiden waited until she heard the door close to turn around. She wasn´t sure what she expected to see, but it surely wasn´t what she saw: Moomintroll was much thinner than she remembered, surrounded by hoses and racks. There was a feeling of emptiness lingering in the room despite it being full of objects.

She stood there, just staring, before getting the courage to put on a smile. 

-"Hello Moomintroll, it´s so nice to see you again. I brought you some flowers, you know, they always say that flowers can make your day" - her gaze traveled to the withered bouquets around him, so many of them, with notes from numerous people, messages varying from `Get well soon' to 'Rest in peace'. Her smile twitched- "You must be wondering why I didn´t visit you until now. Forgive me, Alicia, Little My, and I went looking for someone who could break your spell”

Snorkmaiden stared at Moomintroll waiting for some kind of reply, but she received none. 

“We saw so many interesting things outside Moominvalley, but we couldn't stay long as we needed to hurry back. When you wake up we could ask your parents to let you come with us. I can't wait for it, just imagine, an exciting adventure like the ones we have read about”- .she spoke, her optimistic voice echoing in the room. 

She looked over her shoulder, sharpening her hearing. When she hear no hint of someone near the room she took a deep breath and continued- "Remember what we talked about after Midsummer's party last year?"-her fingers played with the flowers' petals- "I guess you were right. It does feel different, you know, to be with that special one. I think I understand you now“. -a blush tinted her snout- “Alicia and I have grown closer during our travels. I think she likes me, we kissed. Mind you, now I know how those with small noses kiss if you still want to know" - she joked, but the pit on her stomach only grew.

-”You are the first person I told this to. I am sure it would make you happy to know I found someone too”.- She put the flowers on the bedside table and gave another glance to Moomintroll- “You must wake up soon, please”

The troll didn´t move an inch. In the silence, she could hear her heart, breaking like porcelain.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Moominmamma stirred the pot of jam in the stove, trying to focus on the task. They were supposed to be getting prepared for hibernation, but every time she tried to think about it she froze at the picture of his son, still sleeping. She had nightmares every night, where they couldn't wake up either and everyone forgot about them, slowly starving. Even worse were those where Moomintroll finally woke up to find his family sleeping, leaving him sad and lonely during the winter.

She wanted, needed to talk with Moominpappa about it, but he spent the days locked in his studio. One could even begin to think he had left long ago if it weren't for the sound of his pen scribbling on sheets of paper, and the smell of strong tobacco coming out through the cracks of the door. She missed her son and her husband, but she could only keep it to herself; she was a mother, she was supposed to bring comfort and solutions, not wail all day long.

-”Moominmamma, can I get some tea?”.

She jumped with surprise, the voice taking her out of her mental landscape. She hadn´t noticed Snufkin had been in the kitchen, apparently for a while as he was sitting in a chair with his hands clasped.

-“I think the jam is burning”- he said, keeping his serious face.

She gasped, turning off the stove. Somehow she hadn't realized there was smoke coming from the pot. - ”Thank you, Snufkin, what was it you needed?”

Snufkin repeated his question with an expression she couldn´t interpret. 

-"Sure, dear. Give me a moment"- she said, repeating the steps from the last time she prepared it. 

Snufkin´s eyes were focused on her movements, squinting his eyes when she took the blue dropper from the upper shelve, hiding behind the honey jar.

-"How does it work?”- he asked, making her raise her head- “the tea. I see those purple flowers are Maypop, but I'm curious about what's in the dropper".

Moominmamma hummed, her eyes fixed on the kettle -"In all honesty, I'm not sure how it works, all I know for certain is that it's a Poppy concentrate. I'm afraid Grandma's explanations are always quite vague".

Snufkin made an acknowledging sound and when it was done he took the cup to the room, careful on his way up as he didn't want to drop a single drop. 

  
  
  
  
  


While Snufkin was waiting for Snorkmaiden to get out of the room an idea struck him, like a thunder clearing the fog on his brain.

_ Why didn't I think of it sooner? It must be the key-  _ he thought, wishing he hadn't ignored the fact that there was something in common between both times he had lucid dreams: the tea. 

He closed the door, his eyes brightening with determination. Now that he had it there was only one way to prove if he was right. He rushedly drank it and jumped to his bed, not even caring to take out his boots. 

He tried to concentrate on his breath, but his mind was racing with thoughts-  _ If the Moomin on my dreams is my Moomin then I have to find a way to tell him to wake up. But how?-  _ He thought, focusing so intensely on this that he didn´t notice when his eyelids closed.

~~~

When he opened his eyes again he was laying on the ground, somewhere in the forest. His brain tried to process where he was, but the scenario was unfamiliar. H wasn´t sure if it was the fault of how long it had been since he last went out, or if it was the strange shapes of the trees, but he felt dreadfully lost.

He walked around for a while, trying to identify something, but failing miserably as everything was too different and there were no shadows or sun to get his bearings. 

_ Think, think. Where am I?-  _ he was desperately pressing his temples when he heard a distant whistle, singing a familiar song.

Following the sound, he saw the bridge, and Moomintroll sitting on it, who saw him from far and waved his paw to him -"Hello Snufkin! I couldn´t find you in your tent, did you go on a walk?" 

Snufkin hastened the pace, with a grave expression. As he got closer he could see Moomintroll´s smile begin to fade. -"Moomin. We need to talk". 

The troll´s face dropped, lowering his sight to his fingers, fidgeting - "I know you are leaving soon… it's fine, I understand. I thought I could make you stay, but I guess even a fake Snufkin gets tired of me".

-"What? No Moomin, I never said such a thing. Listen, you…" 

-"It's fine Snufkin. We don't need to talk about that again. You need your space and I need to hibernate, even if you aren't real you know I would never wish to make you feel trapped. Have a safe trip" - he spoke, raising and turning around to cross the bridge. 

-"Wait no. Please listen to me" - Snufkin followed him but Moomin only quickened his steps- "You are asleep. You need to wake up".

Moomin kept his eyes fixed on the path, refusing to turn his head - "I know I am sleeping, it´s winter. I didn´t want to be alone and that´s why I made you, but you are just like Snufkin. Leaving me waiting to go meet much more interesting people and have adventures” - His voice shook at the sentence, and his eyes turned glassy with a mix of anger and sadness -“Why do you keep coming back? If you want to leave just do it, don´t give me hope that someday you might stay with me”. 

~~~

-“Moomin wait!!”- He screamed, but he was no longer on the bridge. He tried to stand up but tripped on and fell to the ground, his blanket wrapped around his feet. 

The floor felt colder than he remembered, propelling him to look through the window. Snowflakes were piling up on the corners and the once green meadows had small spots of white: Winter had come, and he had to leave. 

-"No no no no…" - the knot on his throat tightened, suffocating him, making him breath faster and louder. His hands were shaking uncontrollably and his feet moving aimlessly. 

He pinched his shoulder to stop the dizziness, but the pain only confirmed that he was awake.

_ It's my fault, I shouldn't have gotten lost. I just need more time-  _ With agitation he sprinted out of the room, suddenly stopping when he found the stairs. His boots would make too much noise if he went down the stairs, so he decided to take them off, leaving them aside. 

The kitchen was empty, not surprisingly, as it was late at night. He hurried to the pantry, his eyes searching with desperation and his hands rummaging, careful to not make a sound. -  _ Where did she put you?  _ \- he closed his eyes trying to remember, but his head was spinning, making it hard to concentrate-  _ Upper shelve, behind the honey jar. Blue dropper with red label _ . 

His hands met a small glass object. He took it carefully, examining it-  _ Papaver somniferum. Indications: 12 drops in a cup of boiling water for mild insomnia. _

_ There is no time to boil water-  _ he took a clean cup and poured twelve drops _.  _ His hand stopped when he was about to put the dropper on the table-  _ If I want him to come back that won't be enough, I need more time-  _ he thought as he poured two, then twenty drops more, filling half of the cup with the white liquid. 

He took it in one gulp; the taste was so bitter it burned, and the sticky consistency was hard to swallow, adhering to his throat. He tried to rush to climb the stairs but the need to throw up made him slow down, so he took small steps instead. 

But when he was in the last steps he felt his heart shrink and his breath get quicker, and suddenly it was too hard to focus his sight on where to put his feet. Leaning on the railing he launched himself to the top, falling on his knees. 

_ I can't breathe.  _

Crawling on his knees he entered the room and raised his head to the bed. 

_ Moomin _ ,  _ I will save you.  _

His body was too heavy, but gathering his energy, he stood up and fell onto the bed. 

_ I feel so cold.  _

He crawled closer to Moomin, who was much warmer in comparison to how cold he felt. He covered themselves with the blanket, a soft, yellow-colored one Moominmamma had made to keep Moomintroll warm. 

Locking their hands together, he slowly sank into pitch black.

~

He opened his eyes to a dark and silent room. He stood up from the mattress and walked to the window, it was covered in snow. White, spotless snow, anywhere he saw.

-“it didn't work”- his voice was low, barely a whisper. He tried to direct his gaze to the bed, but he couldn’t bring himself to.

The ticking of the clock echoed in the house. The wood of the bed creaked, but his eyes were lost in the cracks of the floor, focused on the dust and how the cracks made patterns that reminded him of the streams. His sight blurred and tears fell to his boots. He covered his eyes with his sleeves, his weeping soaking them and staining the fabric a deep blue.

\- "Snufkin?" -  Moomintroll stared at him with confusion, getting up to sit on the edge of the bed.

-"Snufkin. What are you doing here? It's winter". 

He raised his head, his eyes meeting Moomintroll's. He blinked a few times, trying to understand what he was seeing.

Fresh tears flooded from his eyes, and trembling, he got closer to the bed- "I'm sorry"- his voice cracked- "I am so sorry. I won't ever leave you alone again" 

Moomintroll hugged him, his paw stroking Snufkin´s hair, who had put his head over his shoulder -"It's okay, now we are together".

~~~~~ 

  
  
  


Moominmamma woke up to a shiver crawling down her spine. She hurried to Moomintroll´s room and found Snufkin tucked in bed with Moomin, their hands laced. 

Moominpappa opened the door of the studio, rubbing his eyes -”What was all that noise, Moominmamma?”

She slowly closed the door, turned her head, and smiled- “Nothing, dear. Let´s go back to sleep”.

Moominpappa put his arm around her waist and both walked together back to their room.

  
  


Winter had come to the valley.

A pair of boots was sitting on the stairs and the wind blew through the frosted window frame. 

It was getting colder, but Snufkin´s pale lips were softly smiling.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Flower meaning:  
> Chrysanthemum~The flower of November. Yellow- Neglected love, sorrow. Alternatively- Friendship, joy.  
> .  
> Poppy~ Symbol of eternal sleep. Opium, a potent narcotic, is extracted from its capsule as a white latex.  
> \-----
> 
> Thank you so much for reading!  
> I had this chapter ready for weeks, but it made me sad to think about ending this fanfic. I began writing it after my grandparent died from starvation due to depression, so I didn´t want to let go easily.  
> I hope I got to convey all the emotions I felt. It´s my first time writing a long story but I hope you liked it.
> 
> Edit: I'm thinking of putting some illustrations on this work, but I am not entirely sure if they would fit. Maybe I will just post them on tumblr, we will see.


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